"Caregiving would be easier if my family actually helped."

If that sentence hits home, you’re not alone. Many caregivers find themselves carrying the full weight of dementia care while siblings or extended family minimize, second-guess, or outright ignore what’s happening. It’s not just frustrating - it can feel isolating and deeply painful.

Why Family Conflict Happens in Dementia Care

Dementia is a complex, evolving condition. Often, only one person is consistently present enough to notice the day-to-day changes in their loved one. If that’s you, you may see symptoms more clearly while others only witness short visits or "good days."

Other common causes of family disagreement include:

• Denial or avoidance of the disease and its progression

• Discomfort with responsibility or decision-making

• Emotional distance or unresolved family history

When your lived reality is dismissed or challenged, it adds emotional weight to an already demanding role.

Step 1: Accept That You May Be Ahead of the Curve

If you’re in the trenches, you’re likely to have a deeper understanding of what’s really happening. And that can be a lonely place to be.

Instead of trying to force others to "get it," remind yourself:

"I see more because I’m here more. That doesn’t make their opinions more valid than my experience."

Letting go of the need for validation from those who aren’t actively involved is a form of freedom.

Step 2: Use Calm, Direct Communication

Rather than debating, aim for clarity. Focus on:

• Sharing observations: “I’ve noticed they’re having more trouble with dressing and remembering names.”

• Stating needs: “Here’s what would be helpful right now—can you do either of these?”

• Setting boundaries: “I can’t keep going back and forth on this. Here’s what I’m going to do."

You don’t need to convince everyone to agree. You only need to be clear about your intentions and limits.

Step 3: Stop Waiting for Support That May Never Come

Waiting for others to catch up, pitch in, or understand can delay important decisions and drain your energy. At some point, you have to move forward without waiting for their permission.

This doesn’t mean you’re cutting people out—it means you’re leading from where you are, based on what you know. And if they choose to join you later, great. If not, you’re still allowed to lead.

Build Support Beyond Family

Support doesn’t always come from where we expect it. But it can be found.

• Connect with local or online dementia caregiver support groups

• Talk with a social worker or counselor who understands caregiving dynamics

• Delegate tasks where possible, even if it means hiring short-term help

Remember, you are not weak for needing help. You are wise for seeking it.

Final Thoughts

Family conflict in dementia care is common. But it doesn’t define your strength, and it doesn’t diminish your impact. You’re not imagining things. You’re not wrong for seeing the truth sooner. And you are not failing because others won’t help.

Others may not see it—but I do. And I’m here walking this with you.

You are leading. Quietly. Consistently. Courageously.

I’m here sharing for you while you are caring for them.

🫂 Join the Conversation:

• Need a community where you can ask for help and get real support?
  Join my FREE Caregiver Support Group here 👉 Dementia Caregivers Success & Support Network.

📚 Resources to Support You:

• Explore the Dementia Caregivers Academy Course for in-depth strategies and support.

PS.

This video is also posted on our YouTube Channel!

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