If you’ve ever tried redirection, distraction, or validation techniques for dementia behaviors  and they didn’t work this post is for you.

You are not doing it wrong.
You are not failing.
But chances are, you’ve been handed a toolbox with no key.

Last week, I was once sitting in an airport during a long layover when a woman next to me struck up a conversation. She noticed me writing a blog post about the stress of dementia caregiving on marriage, and asked what kind of work I did. When I said I support families caring for someone with dementia, her eyes welled up. She said it must be fate, sitting by you.

She shared that her husband has Parkinson’s and recently started showing aggressive behavior in the afternoons.

“It’s not like him,” she said. “He’ll shout at me out of nowhere. Slam doors. He’s never been like this. And I try to redirect, but it just makes him more upset.”

Sound familiar?

The Problem with Most Dementia Behavior Advice

When we talk about behaviors like aggression, pacing, repetitive questions, or resistance to care, the default advice is often:
  Redirect them

  Distract them or Validate their feelings.

And while those can be helpful, this advice falsl flat when you don’t know why the behavior is happening.

Because here’s the truth:

Behavior in dementia isn’t random.
It’s communication.

What looks like aggression might actually be fear.
What looks like resistance might be confusion.
What looks like repetition might be anxiety that hasn’t been addressed.

And if we miss that?
Then redirection is like putting a Band-Aid on a wound that needs stitches.

Back to the Airport

I asked her when her husband’s behavior started.

“About two weeks ago,” she said. “Pretty much every afternoon now.”

“What changed two weeks ago?” I asked.

She thought for a second and said, “Well, they started him on a new medication for movement. I can’t remember the name, but it’s supposed to help him walk more steadily.”

Bingo!!!!!!!

The medication wasn’t wrong  but the timing, dose, and side effects hadn’t been considered in light of his cognitive state. The aggression wasn’t just a behavior… it was a reaction.

And once we unpacked that together, I helped her write down the right language to use with her husbands doctor. Not just “he’s being aggressive,” but:

• The timing of the behavior
  

• The specific changes she noticed
  

• The connection to the new medication
  

You could see her whole posture shift. She said, “I didn’t know I was allowed to bring this up like that. I usually just wait for them to tell me what to do, and follow the directions.”

Why Most Strategies Don't Work

They assume:

• You know the root cause of the change
  

• You’re not burned out or overwhelmed
  

• You’ve had proper training (which most caregivers haven’t)
  

But most caregivers are handed vague advice or a brochure instead of a clear system.

And that’s where things escalate. You try one thing → it doesn’t work → the situation worsens → and you feel like you’re failing.

You’re not. You’re missing someone to help guide you.

What to Try Instead

✅ Decode the behavior before reacting.
Use patterns and clues — like time of day, environmental changes, recent medications, unmet needs.

✅ Communicate clearly with the care team.
Instead of saying “he’s agitated,” try: “Every day between 3–5pm, he starts pacing and yelling. This started after [NAME THE CHANGE].”

✅ Have a backup plan for hard moments.
Sometimes it’s not about stopping the behavior in the moment — it’s about having a plan before it starts.

✅ Get support from someone who’s been there.
The best strategies are only helpful if someone walks you through how to apply them in real life.

Want to go deeper into why behaviors happen  and how to actually respond?

If this post  felt like a breath of fresh air
If you’ve been trying strategy after strategy and nothing’s working
If you’re tired of guessing, Googling, and going it alone...

Then now’s the time to join the Dementia Caregivers Academy.

You’ll get:
✔️ A complete framework for decoding behaviors
✔️ Step-by-step tools to handle hard days
✔️ Monthly support sessions that meet you where you are

Doors close soon — and won’t reopen for a while.

Click here to join now and finally feel supported by someone who gets it.

The Bottom Line

If redirection hasn’t worked…
If distraction feels like a game that always backfires…
If validation leaves you unsure of what to say next…

You are not alone.
You just need the full picture.

You don’t have to keep guessing.
Let’s draw the map — together.

I’m here sharing for you, while you are caring for them.
—Laura

PS. You can also watch this video on YouTube:
🎥 Watch it now

🫂 Join the Conversation:

• Need a community where you can ask for help and get real support?
  Join my FREE Caregiver Support Group here
  👉 Dementia Caregivers Success & Support Network.

📚 Resources to Support You:

• Grab your Medical Assistance Planner and get organized.

• The Caregiver Gap Report — a free guide that breaks down what no one told you, and how to get the support you actually need.
  👉 Download The Caregiver Gap Report right now

• Explore the Dementia Caregivers Academy Course for in-depth strategies and support.

• Check out our other free Resources here.

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